Outer Limits - News From Captain Curtis

Captain Curtis

I have often been asked why I am a captain and what am I the captain of. This is my story.

I was married for 16 years to the person I believed to be the love of my life. We were a couple starting in 1982 and got married in 1986. We had lots of experiences together and lots of fun. After being married for one year, we had our first baby. A beautiful girl we named Tiffany. I was a proud father. A first time dad with no experience with kids. My daughter was colicky and it was very tough for the first year or so. She finally got better and life was normal, I suppose. Then three years later, my second daughter was born., Kimberly . Oh how I remember being the first to hold her little purple body while the nurses cleaned her up. She was so quiet and calm most of the time. What a bundle of joy. I would love to hold her and she would just stare into my eyes content to be in daddy’s arms. Definitely a problem free baby.

Three years later, we had my son, Curtis Jr. (CJ) Everyone who saw me after that had said that I was beaming with joy. I know I was. I had a son. And he, also, was quiet and content to be with his daddy. I guess at this time in my life, my wife started going out with her friends and being gone for days at a time. I would get up in the mornings and get ready for work and take my kids to the baby sitter and then go to work. And the afternoons, I would get off from work and pick them up and take them home and feed them and bath them and get them in bed. Kind of a tough job with three kids, but I managed. And then my wife would show up at home at like 11:00 or midnight. This occurred for several weeks at a time for about four years.

The person I was married to was very controlling. She had to have control of everything or she would begin destroying the life we had built. Which actually wasn’t much, anyway. But it was our world. I had worked many jobs and occupations to attempt to make ends meet. Handing over the paychecks so she could pay the bills and buy whatever my kids needed, because she wouldn’t have it any other way. And I only wanted peace for myself and my kids. It was not uncommon for me to go to work with no money or no lunch. I worked her way thru college for a better life for us. And, she never even used her AS degree.

During this time, things were not going well. We were moving a lot and I felt like I was letting my family down because I wasn’t bringing home enough money for the bills. Water was getting turned off. Electric bills were always over due. We even had our car repossessed. And every morning when I left for work, she would cry and beg for me to stay home, it took a lot to explain to her that I needed to work in order for us to provide a decent life for our children. I lost quite a few jobs for feeling sorry that I couldn’t stay at home everyday. But, I was the only source of income. Somebody had to pay the bills.
She was so jealous of any one I showed any attention to. My family, my friends, even my kids. When I would try to play with my kids, she would get mad and tell me that I must not love her any more.

I really don’t understand this type of behavior. I felt sorry for her and would attempt to give her my undivided attention all the time. My mom and sisters would come by to see us and she would be rude to them and they would leave. It hurt my soul to not be able to see them anytime I wanted. And I know my mom wanted to see her grandchildren.

In 1999, I finally had enough of the moving and being a married single parent. I made arrangements with my parents to buy a mobile home and set it up on their property in Alabama. I told my wife what I had done and we will be moving there and she hit the ceiling screaming at me and throwing stuff around the house and at me. She told me she wasn’t going to do this with me and threatened me that if I took the kids with me she would kill herself and I just couldn’t live with that fact for my kids. So, I continued to move myself to my new place. In about a week, I had convinced her that this move would be better for us and our kids. In my view, there would be my family there to help with the kids and the costs of living would be very much more affordable.

Life was definitely getting better for me and my kids. But, she continued to take her extended leaves of absence with her friends. My parents would ask me about it and I told them that as long as I was ok with it, try not to worry. I actually wasn’t ok with it, but I wanted peace. But, like the parents they are, they were concerned for my piece of mind. And, I guess I can‘t blame them because I was dying on the inside but I didn‘t show it. I had to be strong in the presence of my kids and family.

One day while I was at work, my family confronted her about her activities away from home. Accentuating on the facts that she was spending so much money and making it very difficult to get our bills paid. My parents had provided the credit for our home and I had promised to make the payments. I was being torn between trying to keep my wife and, apparently, doing the right thing. I was going way out of my way to try to keep the peace. A few days after this occurrence, while I was at work, my wife packed up the kids and left. She dropped me at work that morning, because we only had one car, and she never showed up to pick me up from work, so, I called my mom to come get me. And during the ride home she told me she didn’t know where my wife had went. When I had arrived at home, there was a deputy waiting there for me to serve me papers for a restraining order and court date for abuse, domestic violence. Apparently, she had lied to the authorities to get the restraining order so I couldn’t find her and my kids. So, for the next couple of weeks, I cried and fell flat on my back into that deep dark hole of depression. I had several nervous break downs at work until it got to the point where I couldn’t function properly. Someone from work took me to the doctor to get me help. Days and weeks went by with little or no communications with my kids.

Finally, I went to court with my lawyer to clear my character and file for a divorce. I had my family and a couple of friends and my supervisor go with me for support. The judge was convinced that I wasn’t a threat to anyone and dropped the domestic violence charges. He set up guidelines for visitation of my kids. When I finally saw my kids again, I attempted to be strong, but I broke down and cried like I never had before. My kids, My wonderful kids, held me and cried with me. They told me to never worry, because no matter what happened, they would always love me. And to this day, 5 years later, they have never let me forget that.

So, from all this I’ve been thru, I had decided that I will be and always will be the “captain “ of “me“. I will captain myself throughout the rest of my life. I will not allow anyone to control my emotions. I will make all the final decisions in my life. I will not allow myself to be manipulated to benefit anyone. My kids are my life. My family will stand beside me for eternity.

I thank my family and friends for all their support during my times of trial. And the ones that stood beside me for all of this, know what it means when they read, “Captain Curtis”.