The Hanger - Rocket Talk

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....
-------------

Okay, that's funny, I don't care who you are.

original source: unknown
forwarded to me

I just love getting these testimonials... The QUOTE OF THE DAY for me...just another incredibly happy customer of Crystal View's Headlight Restorer/Defogger.

This one arrived today from a guy in Paducah, Kentucky and I just had to share it... He Wrote:

"I was concerned about the limited visibilty from the headlights on my son's car when driving it one night. I had asked my mechanic about replacement assemblies and it quoted me $250.00 a piece. Then he suggested this product as it was a much cheaper method and it worked. It is one the best products I have ever used and its application, as the Geico adds say, "So easy even a caveman could do it." It is a fantastic product. Thanks"

No offense to cavemen now! Here is another good one that came only a few days earlier:

"I just wanted to say that I used the headlight restoration kit and it worked great!!!! This product is Amazing! I recommended it to a lot of my friends and they all love it. I was going to replace my headlights for new ones which would have cost me $400 for the pair. Let me tell you I am so glad I found this product. Thanks!!!

Sincerely,

Very happy customer
Mike F - Covington, Washington"

and the day before that...

"I would just like to say how pleased I am with your headlight restoration product! It worked great, easy instructions to follow, and now my headlight that I restored looks better than my new headlight. Thanks guys, this product really worked well!

Jason H. - Creedmoor, NC"

Well there you have it... Crystal View ROCKS! I could keep going, but it's time to do some more cybersurfing.

See you in The Webisphere!
Rocket Johnson

Now this one really cracked me up... The QUOTE OF THE DAY for me...just another incredible happy customers of Crystal View's Headlight Restorer/Defogger.

I got this great testimonial on June 8th from a guy named Matt in Duncan, Oklahoma... here's what he wrote...and I'm grinning!

Comments:
Your Product Is Amazing...it looked so sexy I couldn't stop looking at it!

I own a 1999 Chevy Camaro, as you know the design of the headlights is very pronounced in the design of the front end. So when they get that yellow haze it is very noticeable. I tried lot's of things that people would tell me to use, toothpaste, Armor All, compound wax, nothing worked. I happened to see your product while shopping in the automotive department at Wal-Mart. I was skeptical that this product could work what I considered a miracle to get my headlight covers clear. I figured "what the heck," I had tried everything else so why not? The instructions were very clear on the exact steps to take. I saw an amazing transformation take place before my eyes, after about 30 minutes of work they looked brand new. My Camaro looked like a new car, it looked so sexy I couldn't stop looking at it. I have recommended your product to everyone I know that has this problem. This is not one of those gimmick products, it really works. I have before and after pictures for anyone who doesn't believe in this cleaning system. Thank you for such a great product!

- Thanks Matt!

You have to see his pictures...check them out BestHeadlightCleaner.com/mattj_testimonial.htm

as seen on The QUOTE Of The Day at The Cyberspace Gazette.

Country Music Star Will Appear Saturday, April 21

SUN ’N FUN CAMPUS, LAKELAND, Fla. – (March 28, 2007) – Country music star Aaron Tippin, who is also a pilot and longtime aviation enthusiast, will feel right at home when he performs in concert at this year’s Sun ’n Fun Fly-In. Tippin will perform on Saturday, April 21 at 7 p.m. – right in the middle of the Fly-In, which will take place April 17 – 23 at Lakeland Linder Regional Airport.

The concert is included in Sun ‘n Fun’s daily admission price, which is half-price for Florida residents and military personnel with a current ID card on Saturday, April 21, and Sunday, April 22.

“Sun ‘n Fun is really excited about having Aaron Tippin here at Sun ‘n Fun,” said Sun ‘n Fun President and Fly-In Chairman John Burton. “The concert is a first for Sun ‘n Fun and, combined with the reduced admission for Florida residents on the weekend, should provide a great reason for those folks who may not have participated in the Fly-In yet to join us for a great concert that is part of a great event.”

Aaron Tippin is a strong supporter of American military forces around the world and was the first singer to entertain troops in the Middle East during the first Gulf War in the early 1990s. In 2002, he wrote “Where the Stars and Stripes and the Eagle Fly” and went to Afghanistan to perform for American troops there. Since 2003, Tippin has been making annual trips to entertain American forces in Iraq and has become the spokesman for the Paralyzed Veterans of America. In 2005, he was the first country artist to donate funds to the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

“When I’d sing ‘Where the Stars and Stripes and the Eagle Fly,’ I started sending five-gallon buckets out into the crowd that said, ‘Katrina’ on them,” Tippin said of his personal hurricane relief program. “People just poured out of the stands. I get all choked up watching that. I recorded the song right after 9-11, but it’s not about 9-11. It’s about Katrina. And the next time it will be about whatever catastrophe we Americans have to deal with. I wrote it to represent a feeling that we can always come back to: Be proud to be an American. That’s what’s most important when the chips are down.”

Tippin will perform at Sun ‘n Fun on Saturday, April 21, in the heart of the Fly-In’s outdoor aircraft display area. The concert begins at 7 p.m. and is included in the price of Saturday’s daily admission fee. The Main Admission gates will remain open until 8 p.m. that day only. In order to receive the half-price discount, Florida residents and military personnel must present valid photo identification. The discount is limited to immediate family members and is non-transferable.

“The fans are truly amazing,” Tippin concluded. “They’re the reason I still have a job. I’m a very lucky man. I’ve been fortunate enough to have written some songs that have had an impact on some people. After all the years of doing this, what means most of all to me is to have written a song and hearing people say, ‘Hey man, that’s neat.’”

Sun ‘n Fun, a 501(c)(3) not–for–profit organization based in Lakeland, Florida, is best known for its annual Fly–In held each April. The event draws more than 160,000 people and 4,000 aircraft to Lakeland Linder Regional Airport, creating an economic impact exceeding $27 million in Lakeland and Polk County. The Fly–In is the primary source of funding for Sun ‘n Fun’s expanding year–round aviation education programs. These include operation of the Florida Air Museum, the state’s “Official Aviation Museum and Education Center,” which is also supported through grants from the Division of Historical Resources and Division of Cultural Affairs, Florida Department of State.

In addition, Sun ‘n Fun has initiated education programs for aviation enthusiasts of all ages – especially young people – featuring valuable “hands on” learning experiences. A growing scholarship program provides financial support to ensure Sun ‘n Fun’s education programs are accessible to all.

For more information, access Sun ‘n Fun’s website (www.sun-n-fun.org) or call the Sun ‘n Fun offices (863–644–2431).

EDITOR’S NOTE: A complete biography and music timeline for Aaron Tippin follows.

Source: Sun 'n Fun News Archive Page - March 2007

Don't miss it... this is an incredible event for the whole family.

Related articles: Sun ’n Fun Ramps Up For April 17 Opening

Rocket Johnson reporting
Over & Out

Breaking News! April 1, 2007
Google TiSP (BETA) is a fully functional, end-to-end system that provides in-home wireless access by connecting your commode-based TiSP wireless router to one of thousands of TiSP Access Nodes via fiber-optic cable strung through your local municipal sewage lines.
Source: link from www.Google.com (Home Page) 4/1/07

I've got to take the 'ol hat off to the pranksters at Google.com for their creativity in promoting such a load of crap...grin! Not sure how long Google will keep the humor available for posterity, so I'm going to paste some of the content here. Thanks for the giggle Google!

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Why should I switch to Google TiSP?

It's fast. In our testing, TiSP delivers a 10x higher flow rate than basic DSL.

It's FREE. No more paying hundreds of dollars a year for Internet service that doesn't even necessarily extend to your bathroom!

It's good for you. Your FREE TiSP service includes a Google Toolbar-based analysis of your dietary habits and genetic predispositions, along with recommendations for healthier living.

How can Google offer this service for free?
We believe that all users deserve free, fast and sanitary online access. To offset the cost of providing the TiSP service, we use information gathered by discreet DNA sequencing of your personal bodily output to display online ads that are contextually relevant to your culinary preferences, current health status and likelihood of developing particular medical conditions going forward. Google also offers premium levels of service for a monthly fee (see below).

Note: We take your privacy very seriously. So we treat all TiSP users' waste-related personal information with tremendous discretion, in accordance with our Privacy Policy.

Is this offering a tiered service? How does Google's position on Net Neutrality effect TiSP?
Although we understand that there's a lot of crap on the web, we also believe strongly in providing equal opportunity access to all our users. While we won't limit your surfing choices, we do offer three levels of TiSP service:

Trickle The #2 Royal Flush
Download 8 Mbps 16 Mbps 32 Mbps
speed (max) (10X basic DSL)(20X basic DSL) (40X basic DSL)

Upload
speed (max) 2 Mbps 4 Mbps 8 Mbps

Price Free $9.95/mo. $24.95/mo.

Actual speeds will vary, depending on network traffic and sewer line conditions. Users with low-flow toilets may simultaneously experience a saving-the-environment glow and slower-data-speed blues.

Is Google TiSP safe and reliable?
Google TiSP ensures reliable throughput through the power of fiber, which has been proven through extensive research to effectively facilitate consistent data flow with minimal latency. And you can rest assured that under no circumstances will the TiSP system ever expose your privates.

What are the system requirements?

Windows XP/Vista (Mac and Linux support coming soon)

Internet Explorer 6.0+ or Firefox 1.5+ with the Google Toolbar

Round-front or elongated toilet providing at least 1.0 gallons per flush

Use of automatic toilet bowl cleaners is not recommended

Does my water company support TiSP?
TiSP was developed with the support and assistance of a large number of major metropolitan water companies. A full list of companies that support TiSP is available here. If yours isn't listed, please contact them to verify their ongoing and unstinting support before you even think about signing up for TiSP service.

Can I use TiSP if my home uses a septic system?
Sorry, but no -- TiSP requires the use of a central sewer system to connect your home to the Internet.

Can I still use my toilet after installing TiSP?
Do we look stupid? Needless to say, the fiber optic cable that enables TiSP will not interfere with your toilet's regular operations. For your own convenience, however, you may eventually wish to hire a professional contractor to help route the cable under, or through, the toilet seat to your TiSP wireless router.

In what countries is this service available?
TiSP is available today in the U.S. and Canada. Google has formed an international consortium of utility companies, sewage system experts, toilet manufacturers, and plumbers to develop solutions to the many problems facing all "dark porcelain"-based data-delivery innovators.

Can I use this service when I'm away from home?
Sorry, but no -- TiSP is not available outside the home at this time. We are, however, currently developing a mobile feature called TiSP on the Run (TiSPOTR), which we expect to make available in the near future.

I'm having trouble installing or using TiSP.
Your internet connection should be working within one hour of GFlushing the sinker. If you still aren't online after that period of time, your toilet may be clogged. Please flush three more times, then check your online connection again. If you're still experiencing problems, drop eight mints into the bowl and add a two-liter bottle of diet soda. For further assistance, please visit the TiSP Help Group.

Does my net access have to be wireless?
Not necessarily, but our user studies have found that without wireless connectivity, there was considerable "commode congestion" in an average 2.5-person household whose one bathroom typically can provide a comfortable workspace for just one user at a time. We therefore strongly recommend using the wireless connection to alleviate potential multi-user congestion and encourage widespread "couch computing."

Why is TiSP in beta?
When things go wrong with TiSP, they go very, very wrong. Let's leave it at that.

Oh yeah... here is the goofy Google diagram depicting the comode based (grin) system...

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This concludes the end of the strange but somewhat entertaining toilet talk from the makers of Google.

More of this crappy subject later in this millenium!
Rocket Johnson Reporting
Over & Out

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. It's worth reading to the end!

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
School did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Source: roving funny e-mail

I love it when the truth comes out...smile!

Visit The Green Earth Ministries for a bigger look at the truth coming out!

An old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US Government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles", asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it.

1. No taxes
2. No debt
3. Plenty buffalo
4. Plenty beaver
5. Women did all the work
6. Medicine man free
7. Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."